Reue (Part 3)

There isn't very many qualities that I like about myself and hopefully from this you will learn two things. Be better than some one and don't live life in the mentality that you must put pressure on yourself. Don't live to a point where you feel like you eyes are going to bleed from how late you have to stay up because you cannot focus, your computer is poop and how uncomforting your family is.  I feel like two hells and one is just stemming from the frustration that I can't think and type faster. 


grades are very important, but what is supremely more important is happiness. YOU WILL NOT BE HAPPY IF YOU DON'T THINK. YOU MUST REALIZE THAT LIFE ISN'T JUST WORK OR SCHOOL. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and then you can sleep, but until then, make sure you don't hate basically every inescapable aspect of your life. 


Relax and be happy a lot of the time, work less and try to not worry. I feel like i'm just stating what I wish I could do, but oh well. This year was a metal rod to my head. I have learned a few social life concepts.


First - I really hate how my dad is a lot of the time.
Second - I really hate the way education and politics are in America.
Third - I really hate people sometimes
Fourth - I really love some people sometimes
Fifth - I really hate the internet.

Some days I wonder, what is life really worth?

Religiously I believe that so long as I worship god, I got a purpose, but on many days I put that aside (not permanently) and I just ponder it. I feel like a man on his death bed wondering about the mysteries of the world, remorsing and baiting myself for loathing, hating my actions and loving certain people way to much. Wondering why my social abilities seem so frazzled and lost. On days like today, I wonder what would happen if I died tonight or tomorrow. I know (or hope) that at least someone will be sad for me. From there, some times I feel like the world would be better off. Some times I feel the opposite and some times I feel like nothing will happen. It is no solution though. It is as much of a solution that medication is. It is the same reason that I hate medication in any form. I doesn't treat the problem, just the symptoms. Death is solving pain, a symptom, not the cause.